On Expectations, Great and Otherwise

I was really excited about this summer. I was going to embark on my first backpacking trip—walk into the wilderness in Utah or Colorado and emerge unscathed, a week older and years wiser. I'd work an editorial internship and make money writing. I would compete, grow, have fun. Live, live, live.  

I was, of course, concerned for the well-being of the nation when the first cases of coronavirus appeared in the United States at the beginning of 2020. But I didn't think the virus would impact my life. Thanks to government ineptitude and public apathy we found ourselves contending with a public health crisis in a matter of months. We left school, shut down the economy, and learned how to make sourdough. 

Now, this virus has wreaked profound havoc on the country, but disproportionately on those from racial or ethnic minority groups. I do not intend to undermine anyone's trauma or pretend that I've gone through anything similar because I really have been able to avoid all real harm. I've been fortunate, but mostly I know that my privileged status shields me from the risks that many others have had thrust upon them. I can only speak to my personal experience with the virus. 

As May approached, I felt my grandiose summer plans slipping out from beneath me. The house of cards that I had so carefully constructed in my mind clattered to the floor. I was left with a big, sad void in my calendar and my heart. I've had expectations upended before, as have we all, but it's rare that the thing doesn't even get to play itself out. This wasn't a case of a disappointment, but rather a question of what could have been. And that is all the more haunting. 

But I had to move on. 

I scrambled to find ways to fill the months and settled on summer classes, which provide the dual purpose of filling time and earning a few important college credits. As I've talked about previously, I spend the rest of my days reading and exercising. It's a simple existence, but it's a good one. 

I'm proud of how I reacted when my expectations were shattered. I was able to refocus, find positive alternatives, and have a productive and healthy summer. It's nothing like what I expected, and it's certainly not as great as it could have been, but the situation demanded adaptation. I stepped up to the plate. 

It is normal to have expectations. It is normal to be disappointed when reality falls short of them. I'll admit, I haven't always reacted positively in such situations. But we can and should use these moments as opportunities for reflection rather than wallowing in despair over the cruelty of the universe. Like I said, this is something that I haven't always practiced, but I'll do my best to remember it going forward. Join me?

Thanks for reading.

-TWTD

P.S.: This isn't a self-help blog, although I know the posts may often read like that. Introspection is inevitable when one spends a lot of time alone.